Here, Have Another Drink

      Deputy Dunn had started with one of the city departments and soon took a new assignment and promotion with an area sheriff department.  Skilled in dealing with people, laid back, happy-go-lucky, he was an ideal officer.  He was also one of the few who chewed tobacco while on patrol and kept his "bottle" handy in the console.
      He was backup officer on a DUI traffic stop.  When he arrived, the operator was already in custody and the arresting officer asked Dunn to complete the vehicle inventory for towing and then give the passenger a ride home.  The passenger had been drinking but was not overly intoxicated and caused no problem.  Dunn, was more than happy to oblige.
      Dunn had the passenger sit in his cruiser while the tow driver hooked up the offender's car.  When he pulled out, Dunn returned to his unit only to find that the passenger had regurgitated all over the front seat, the door, the floor, the dash - about everywhere in sight.  Shocked, Dunn said, "Man what's with you; I thought you wasn't that bad?"  The passenger replied, "Dude, I wanted a drink of your Pepsi; I didn't know what it was!"

I Cannot Tell A Lie

It was a busy day in court and the room was packed to standing room only.  The variety of cases was normal and the judge fully expected it to be a long and illustrious day.

One young man appeared before the already tired and frustrated judge to plead his case.  He was in for a violation of probation hearing, not his first time.  And like before, this was in regards to his continual use of illegal drugs, in short, marijuana.

He stood confident before the judge, standing tall and proud.  When the charge was presented, the young man stated without hesitation, "Judge, I haven't been smoking marijuana".   The judge, with a copy of the confirmed drug screen in hand asked, "Then how did you get it in your system"?  Without hesitation the offender replied, " I was having sex with my girlfriend and she passed it to me".