Don't Take Your Guns To Town

From the book, "Blue Lights and Sirens" - a true story.

        One of the first things taught at the Law Enforcement Academy was to always keep the suspects hands in your sight. Lt. Blair was a fourteen year veteran officer and one of three shift supervisors.  His crew was known as The Wolf Pack  The were tightly bonded  brothers in blue who took care of one another, and did not back down from any situation.  And Lt. Blair would always be the first one in on any call.

      It was a busy night on the 3-11 shift.  Teenagers were cruising the strip and the bars and clubs were rocking with loud music, dancing, drinking and all the things that go hand in hand with nightlife in the city.  Dispatch put out a BOLO be on lookout, and all other activities ceased. We had been advised of an man with a gun who had threatened to kill his wife.  We knew him on sight, never known him to be dangerous, but then one can never tell.  We knew where he lived and had a vehicle description with a tag number.

   At that moment our job was focused on finding the vehicle and the suspect before anyone got hurt.  It was not long before Lt. Blair notified dispatch he had located the vehicle and was making a traffic stop.  He called in his location and Sgt. Sparks immediately headed his way running hard to assist.  All other units positioned themselves so they could also respond rapidly if the situation turned sour and they were needed immediately. 

     Upon his arrival, Sparks saw the suspect was standing with his hands on the trunk of the car assuming a pat down position.  Lt. Blair was pacing back and forth, kicking gravel, car tires, tin cans and everything else close by except the suspect. .  He was jumping up and down and swearing incessantly.  Sgt. Starks began talking with him trying to get him calmed down and try to determine what was wrong.

     Lt. Blair stated he had asked the suspect about the gun.  He responded that his wife was out partying at a bar and he got upset.  He knew she carried a gun in her purse so he stole her purse. He told the officer he had taken the purse and gun to get it away from his wife; he had taken the purse back to the house and kept the weapon.   When Blair he had the gun the man said, "I got it right here in the front of my pants".  As he reached for the weapon, Lt. Blair grabbed the pearl handled .357 magnum revolver he carried and told the suspect to keep his hands on the car that he would get the gun.  The suspect complied and Lt. retrieved the weapon, a .38 special, from inside the front of  the man's trousers.

     At that point Lt. told the man he could relax but keep his hands in front of him.  As the Lt. started to check the weapon to see if it was loaded or had been recently fired, the suspect relaxed and looked over his shoulder at the Lt.  And with a calm  and appreciative voice said, "Thank you Lieutenant John, I done got the crabs and that gun was starting' to make them itch".

But I Only Wanted A Ride

           Oldsmar, FL  - Gregory J. Oras, a 37-year-old Florida man was jailed early Tuesday morning after he called 911 hoping for a ride to another bar. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Oras called 911 three times complaining that he had a broken nose, bleeding ears and was being shot at.  Deputies reportedly rushed to the scene to discover there was no shooter and the only thing wrong with Oras' face was the bizarre tattoos you see in his mugshot. 
         Instead deputies learned Oras had called 911 hoping deputies would arrive and then give him a ride to another bar.  When deputies took Oras into custody, he allegedly began kicking a deputy's knees, forcing them to subdue him with a Taser.
        He was booked into the Pinellas County Jail on charges of battery on a law enforcement officer and misuse of the 911 system. Bail was set at $2,150.

I Didn't Know You Had A Medical Issue

From my book:  Blue Lights and Sirens

     Corporal Smith had stopped a vehicle that was being operated by a man who was obviously well under the influence of intoxicants.  Without no backup yet, Smith was glad to find that the offender was one of those "happy drunks" who, in his extreme inebriation, thought everything was funny. 
     Smith administed the standardized tests and was just trying to make time for his assistance to arrive in the event that the man suddenly lost his sense of humor.  Smith said, "Let's try one more test.  I want you to count the fingers on your right hand out loud 1-2-3-4-5 by touching each finger with your thumb and then go back down 5-4-3-2-1".  Smith showed the man exactly what to do and then stood patiently as the offender silently studied his fingers.
     The man then placed his hands at his side, looked at the officer and said, "I can't do that".  "Why not" Smith asked.  The intoxicated man with all seriousness replied, "I'm dyslexic".
    

I Was Just Riding Around and I Found This

           Mesa, Arizona  - Melissa Cardenas, a 31-year-old Arizona woman was arrested Thursday after she was allegedly caught peddling away from a burglary on a bicycle while holding a computer she had just stolen.  According to Mesa Police, an officer became suspicious after watching a man and a woman bicycle past him while carrying what seemed to be unusually large items.
          Investigators say the officer stopped Cardenas, however the male suspect skirted around a building and was able to flee the scene.  Cardenas was found holding a computer with loose power cables attached that the officer identified as stolen from a nearby H&R Block office. One cable appeared to have been cut.   After checking the H&R Block office, investigators determined that burglars had broken a window to gain access to the premises and several computers and computer hardware were stolen. Burglary tools, and another bicycle that had been reported stolen were found at the scene.
          Cardenas stated that she acted alone and denied allegations that there was an accomplice. Cardenas was booked into jail on charges of commercial burglary and possession of drug paraphernalia.

I Always Wanted To Be A Cop

       Long Island, New York - Victor Alfaro-Marquez, a 35-year-old Long Island man, was arrested Monday after he allegedly pulled over a vehicle while pretending to be an officer, only to discover the man he pulled over was a real officer.  According to Suffolk County Detectives, Alfaro-Marquez pulled up behind Detective William Zambito at 4:30 a.m. while driving a Mercedes SUV equipped with red and blue lights on the dashboard.
         Police say Alfaro-Marquez flashed his headlights at Detective Zambito so the officer pulled over.  Alfaro-Marquez reportedly approached the vehicle in a black t-shirt and replica Drug Enforcement Administration Badge. Alfaro-Marquez then pointed a bright flashlight in the detective's face, at which point Det. Zambito identified himself as an officer.
          Alfaro-Marquez asked the detective if he was a NYPD officer to which the officer responded that he was a Suffolk County Detective.  Police say Alfaro-Marquez then identified himself as a DEA agent, ran for his vehicle and then fled the scene.
          The real officer, Detective Zambito, wrote down the suspect's license plate number which was later used to arrest Alfaro-Marquez at his home.  Investigators say two badges, handcuffs, a pellet pistol in a holster a DEA baseball hat and matching shirt were all recovered from Alfaro-Marquez' home.
           Alfaro-Marquez, who is married and owns an import-export business, was booked into jail on a charge of impersonating an officer. He has since been released on bail.

Might Could Have Used A Little More Planning

     Jamie Carlos Hernandez, a 41-year-old Ferndale man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly robbed a store while wearing his son's Darth Vader mask. What gave him away? The idiot forgot to put his mask on BEFORE he entered the store.
     According to Ferndale police, Hernandez entered a Get 'N Go Market convenience store around 1:35 a.m. Monday, intending to use the dark side of the force on the store clerk. He reportedly walked into the store and then fumbled with his son's Darth Vader mask while several security camera were trained on his image.
     Investigators say Hernandez initially tried to place the mask on his face backwards, as cameras recorded each dopey move. Once he figured out which direction the mask was intended to face, he proceeded to the checkout counter where he threatened a clerk with a butcher knife, demanding cash.
     Detectives circulated pictures of Hernandez's face, taken from the surveillance video. Several anonymous tips led police to Hernandez's home, where he lives with his wife and child.
     Hernandez was booked into jail and charged with armed robbery. His bond was set at $50,000. If convicted, he could face up to life in prison.

You Did WHAT ????

     From my book, "Blue Lights and Sirens - The Lighter Side of Law Enforcement"

     Officer Hardy had worked as a dispatcher for our department for about 2 years but had his heart set on coming to patrol division.  When the opportunity came, he easily passed all the requirements and soon took his place on our shift fulfilling patrol duties.  But his one minor drawback was that he would often select the wrong word for what he was trying to say.
  
     One particular hot, late August day, a young heifer had escaped from the area stockyard and had made her way onto the very busy 4-lane that passed through our town.  Three of us, including Hardy, responded to try to corral the critter and get her back into the yard.

      For about an hour we chased the frightened animal through snake, mosquito and tick infested woods.  Assisting us were some area cowboys who came with ropes, a local vet and numerous employees of the stockyard; a couple armed with tranquilizer guns.

     The radio cracked with an announcement that the heifer had crossed back over the highway into a dry creek bed.  I ran to my car and went immediately to the area in hopes of driving the critter back toward the yard.  When I called in my position, for the benefit of those assisting, our fine, young, Officer Hardy responded so that everyone with a scanner could hear, " Unit 106 you can discontinue; we have the animal seduced".  It was my hopes that he meant "sedated".

Where It All Began

Several years ago I began a career in law enforcement.  During that time, I personally encountered hundreds of the dumbest people in the world; or more correctly, their actions were dumb.  This blog is simply about real people, real incidents, and real stupidity.  And to be perfectly fair, many of these incidents involve police officers, deputy sheriffs, state troopers and even judges.  To preserve integrity, in some instances, only the first letter of the last name will be given. 
Many of these stories are from my yet to be published book titled, "Blue Lights and Sirens - The Lighter Side of Law Enforcement".  These are incidents that I have personal knowledge of their authenticity; I knew the people, worked with the people, and often was the culprit.
I want to thank a good friend who began my thinking of this blog, even though she wasn't aware of it. This young lady is an area attorney with a wonderful sense of humor.  She too, has a blog of a similar nature that I will provide a link for your enjoyment as well.
And that's where we begin.  I hope you enjoy the stories and the humor they provide and I hope you will become a regular follower.