Can You Describe That Again

     Police dispatchers are one the greatest assets to any law enforcement agency.  They absolutely must be able to multi task on short notice, keep accurate records, usually deal with frustrated and often hostile people in person and on the phone and accomplish all of this at high speed.  But sometimes one comes along that is just a little lacking in one or more of these areas.

     We were short handed one dispatcher and needed the job filled quickly.  The wife of our assistant chief recommended a young lady,  a friend of a co-worker who was in dire need of a full time job. The young lady completed the application, did well on her interview, in most areas and was willing to learn.  So, the chief decided to give her a chance.  She completed a brief training period, just enough to learn the system, and was put to work.  It happened that the shift opening was 3-11 which was almost always non stop rock and roll busy during the spring and summer. 

     It was a Friday night and everything was buzzing as normal.  Suddenly the car radios came alive with, all units stand by to copy bolo:  Be On Lookout.   We pulled off the road to take notes when she reported, be on lookout for stolen school bus.  After waiting for several minutes, the shift sergeant called and stated, "Can you give us further on the stolen school bus".  We were hoping for a school name on the bus,  approximate time of the theft, where it was stolen from, direction of travel, most anything that would beneficial.  The sweet young confused lady keyed the microphone and slowly stated, "  10-4;  it is long and yellow and has lots of seats.   

Can I Get A Burger and A Couple Thousand To Go

SPRING HILL, Fla. — A Florida man was arrested on Wednesday afternoon for DUI after he reportedly mistook a Tampa bank drive-thru for Taco Bell. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, the manager of a Bank of America called to report an impaired driver after he found an unconscious man behind the wheel of a blue sedan in the bank's drive-thru lane.

The manager told deputies that after beating on the car window for "some time," he was able to wake up the driver. Upon waking up, the driver asked the bank manager for a burrito before driving away after being informed he was not at Taco Bell. 

What Is A Stop Stop

From my book  Blue Lights and Sirens; The Lighter Side of Law Enforcement.

I was running radar just before noon because I knew the factory traffic would pick up drastically very soon.  I was in plain view, hoping vehicle operators would see me and slow down.  It was a quiet day and I preferred it stayed that way.  I observed a newer model vehicle approach the intersection about 30 yards from my unit.  The vehicle slowed down, barely, and proceeded to turn right and drive past me.  I pulled away from my area, activated my overhead blue lights and the vehicle immediately pulled over.

I approached the drivers door and encountered a young lady, visibly shaken and in tears.  I explained to her why I had made the traffic stop and obtained her license, registration and proof of insurance according to departmental policy. I then returned to my unit to run a violations check if one existed.
Dispatch informed me the operator had no prior violations, and not willing to spoil her good record with a relatively minor infraction, I wrote a warning and returned to her vehicle.  When I saw her sitting in the car, sobbing uncontrollably I almost felt sorry for her.

I explained that I was giving her a written warning and recommended that she be more cautious in the future.  She looked at me with eyes filled with tears and said, "But I stopped".  I stated to her, "No, you did not stop; you slowed down and proceeded through the intersection.  You need to come to a complete stop even if there is not other traffic present."  She looked at me as if she was puzzled and said, " Ok,  I know I stopped, I just didn't stop stop". 

Officer, I Arrest Myself

From my book, Blue Lights and Sirens; The Lighter Side of Law Enforcement.

The sleepy little town was rocking.  It was a warm summer night,  parties were in full swing indoors and outdoors and traffic was heavy.  The dispatch phone was ringing non stop and officers were running from call to call trying desperately to keep up the hectic pace.
Near shift change, units were advised of a rollover accident on a main road at the edge of town.  Units scrambled, uncertain as what to expect.  Cpl. Smithers arrived on scene and found a vehicle on its side in a ditch, the front against a metal culvert.  Beer cans littered the roadway and side of the road as well as inside the car.  The driver was nowhere to be found.
As other units arrived, as well as State Police, we began to canvas the area to determine if anyone had seen what occurred or had any indication as to where the operator had gone, either on foot or in another vehicle.  It was soon discovered, he had fled south into the county on foot.  Cpl. Smithers began searching the area south of the accident scene along with Trooper Ash.
This would be a good point to interject something rather important.  Trooper Ash was well like and well respected in the area.  He had a great sense of humor and got along with everyone, but when it came to business he was a no nonsense officer.  In addition, he was huge;  powerful muscular arms, a barrel chest and about 6'4" and 250 pounds. He was not the type of person you wanted to try to intimidate of get angry.   Back to the story.
About 100 yards from the accident, Cpl. Smithers spotted an individual on a pay phone located on the side of a station that was closed for the night.  And the subject greatly resembled the suspect who was reported to have left the scene.  Smithers contacted Sgt. Ash by radio and the two came up with a plan,
The suspect was busy on the phone trying to get someone to pick him up and never noticed the two officers approaching.  Ash stepped to the left of the suspect, removed the phone receiver and gently pushed the man against the wall.  The intoxicated suspect threw both hands out and was immediately grabbed by each officer and placed in cuffs.  He turned around and began screaming at Sgt. Ash with a barrage of threats and swearing.
Without warning, Ash grabbed the subject around the neck, just below the chin and lifted him from the ground; the man's toes barely on the concrete.  Ash got close to the drunk and said, "Boy, I am normally pretty easy to get along with but you done got on my bad side.  Now, you say one more word and I will knock you so cold, you will sweat ice cubes!"  He then set the wide eyed suspect on the ground and removed his hand.
The stunned subject looked at the two officers and stammered, " I am sorry; I am drunk and shouldn't be driving and I wrecked my car and ran down here and I need to be in jail".  With that, he turned and hurriedly stepped away and walked to Smither's patrol car anxious to get away from the reach of the big state trooper.

In the Doghouse

A suspect in Florida was regarded by the police as having a little too much under his belt. The man was caught speeding but only after he had ran a stop sign, driven through two ditches, crashed into a house and escaped from the wrecked vehicle by going into a church.
The car gave off a rather obnoxious odor of marijuana and alcohol.  As the violator was being arrested, he insisted that his dog had been driving. Unfortunately for him, there was not a single canine in the vehicle.

Not His First Rodeo

Most people are very apprehensive when they visit their probation officer for the first time; Randall was not.  He reported with an air of confidence and let's get this over with.  He was not happy to be on probation.  He had several prior felony convictions and to keep from going back to prison, decided to turn states evidence in hope of a light sentence.  He was a former member of the Aryan Nations and did not want to face any of them.
So on day one, we went over the basic paperwork, rules, signatures and the rules.  He wanted to run the show but realized quickly that was not going to happen.  So he settled in and decided to comply just to get finished.
As we were preparing to make his ID card, I noticed something in his right hip pocket.  Red flags went up because I was not able to determine if it was a knife or drugs or what.  So I casually asked him what he had and his hand went to his pocket immediately.  I told him to remove his hand, turn around and put both hands on the wall.  Reluctantly he complied and there I found he had brass knuckles.  Stunned I asked what he was doing bringing them into the probation office.  His answer was, "Its just a paperweight".  My response was, "But you don't have any papers in your pocket".
Everyone deserves a break and he got his on day one.  Fortunately, he soon transferred to another jurisdiction to my my joy because I was quite certain, he was not going to complete his 8 years successfully.

A Slip Of The Pen

     I received a call from a police investigators that one of my "clients" had been arrested for forged prescriptions.  This caught me by surprise since the man had been doing so well.  After getting the details of the new arrest, I went to the county jail to interview the offender.
     Once inside the cell, after giving him his Miranda rights, he agreed to talk to me.  His story was simple, he didn't do it, someone else did.  This individual had been charged with altering a prescription, the number 30 had been changed to 80.  He was very nonchalent and serious in his explanation.
     His statement was, "I had picked up the prescription and went home to change clothes after work before I took it to the pharmacy.  I left it in the seat of my truck with my wallet when I went in to change clothes.  Somebody got into my truck and changed the numbers and I didn't know it.  When I went to get it filled, I got arrested."
     It was difficult to control my laughter.  I looked at him and asked, "Why didn't they just steal your prescription and wallet.  That way they would have your driver's license as identification and get your pills too?"  He looked at me for just a short moment, dropped his head and replied, "That was pretty stupid to say wasn't it".  I had to agree with him.